Oh My Ninja God!
by Deadpool666
Summary: Naruto is having a shitty life as usual, but a gift from his late parents ensure that his life will take a most interesting turn when the Queen of Hell and a First-class Goddess of Love enter his life. NarutoxHildxPeorth First story so be gentle with me.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey yo people. Deadpool here.**

**I've decided to do some cleaning up in my story and adjust the A/N's to calm what used to be my over-excited ass down. It never ceases to amaze me that every new year, I look back at what I was like and am utterly disgusted by it. But whatever. All chapters will go through this including the deletion of "Fuck You, Dolphin!", and will end with the edition of Chapter 5. Now the "changes" to the chapters may be hard to notice, but I found them and they were bugging the shit out of me.**

**So anyway, on with the slaughter.**

**Thanks go to Archerdood.**

**Disclaimer: I own only two things here… And they are Jack and Shit.**

* * *

Hild had been dreading this day for fourteen years. The day that she would finally have to fulfill the wish of one Kushina Uzumaki of Konoha. She could honestly say that she would never make another contract with a dying mother again in her life, considering what this one had cost her... If she ever got another chance to make a contract that is... Today, she was to go to the village that Kushina lived in, and take Kushina's son as her lover... for the duration of his life. Now, that in of itself was not too horrible a thing. A fourteen year old boy would be reasonably easy to manipulate. After all, the only thing they ever thought about was sex. She figured she could probably mold the boy into a source of amusement until his mortal life ran out.

However, this boy was not mortal. Thanks to a seal trapping one of the strongest demons still in existence in the boy's body, a seal she herself applied at the behest of his father, he would slowly absorb the demonic essence of the demon until he completely consumed the fox, effectively making him one of the strongest demon in history! Not as strong as her, of course, not by a long shot, but still, it meant that she would be stuck as his lover and eventual wife for who knows how long. And the worst part was, there was no way out of it! She could only hope that he was bearable, at least until she found a loop-hole in the damn contract. All this thought of said damned contract brought her back to the day of the agreement...

_~Flashback Time~_

_"So let me get this straight," Hild asked the dying woman before her, "You want me, Hild,_ _Daimakaichō of hell, ruler of the land of the damned, queen of all demons, to take your son as my husband until the day he dies?_ _You want __**me**_ _to love some human until his lifespan expires? You have guts... I'll give you that... Alright, I'll humor you. I could use a vacation from this damn job anyway... But first... What can you give me? What can you, a broken, dying demon holder, do for me?_

_The woman before her used the last of her strength to rise to a kneeling position before the demoness. "I can only offer you one thing in exchange for making my son's life one to be envied. I will serve you in whatever way you desire until you deem the dept paid. Please, please do this for my son, if not for me, then for him. Please give my son some happiness in his life."_

_The white-haired beauty was taken aback by the offer the dying mother gave her. Few offered their very place in heaven for anything, even their child. Hild stared at the red-head for a long moment before sighing heavily and making a decision. Ultimately the love that this woman showed her newborn son swayed her decision far more than anything else. It reminded her so much of herself... "So be it. I shall grant you your wish and take your son as my lover. However, I have a stipulation. I will not go to him until he is fourteen. Otherwise, he would be more likely to see me as a mother than a lover. On top of that, I would be bored to tears raising a child..."_

_Kushina, hearing this, fell from her kneeling position and cracked one last, oddly mischievous, smile before the last of her life finally flowed away._

_She awoke from her death in a large office, sitting in a chair, with the demoness she was making a deal with directly in front of her._

_Hild waved her hand, and a massive sheet of paper appeared on the desk before her and Kushina. It shocked her a little to see the contract just poof into existence, but she quickly shook it off. "Just prick your finger with this," a quill popped into existence between Hild's index finger and thumb, "And sign here on the dotted line." She ran the index finger of her other hand across a long dotted line on the left-hand side of the parchment. The eager red-head quickly pricked her finger, and signed the contract. Hild followed suit and preceded to roll the document up and stick it inside her very revealing dress, where it apparently disappeared._

"_Well then Kushina dear," she held out her hand, "All finished, now, I have one final question before showing you to your new place of employment... Who is my husband-to-be?"_

_The mischievous smile from before snuck onto Kushina's face once again. "His name is Naruto Uzumaki-Namikaze. The baby who you sealed the fox into."_

_Hild's face lost every inch of its color as Kushina arrived at the door to Hild's office then turned and winked at the Daimakaichō. "WHAT! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS!" The red-head giggled maliciously. "You know that you are going to be stuck here working for millennia now, right?" Hild cried._

_"Maybe, but few can say they tricked the _Daimakaichō _of hell? Plus this means my son is guaranteed a happy life..."Kushina giggled out._

_**"FUCKING BIT-"**_

_Kushina slammed the door on Hild cutting off her scream. "That was like, the greatest plan I ever had." She giggled again and made her way into the place she would now call home. She knew the next few years would be painful, pissing off her boss as much as she did, but hey, it was worth it!_

_~Flashback Time Out~_

With a massive sigh, she summoned a gateway to the mortal plane, and with it the end of her freedom...

* * *

Meanwhile, the object of Hild's dread, Naruto Uzumaki, was sitting on the top of the monument of the fourth Hokage, sobbing uncontrollably. Why was he crying his heart out? Because earlier that day he had, in a desperate attempt to spend time with his crush, Sakura, trapped Sasuke (his crush's crush) in a bathroom and used a henge to masquerade as him. It had worked well... perhaps even too well.

When he asked what Sakura thought about him (Naruto), she told him that he was "a loud, obnoxious, stupid twit with no talent." She then apologized to him (thinking him Sasuke) for having to put up with the idiot (him). Naruto's heart just shattered when he heard that. After spending his entire life at the academy trying to make her like him, she still thought of him as a useless fool. That, combined with his recent discovery of being the holder of an evil fox demon, along with his life of abuse and neglect, forced him to conclude that no one would ever love him. And so he just ran to his only real sanctuary, to the only place that made him feel at peace, to the top of the stone head of Minato Namikaze, the Forth Hokage. There, he let out years of pain tumble out in a stream of pain and tears.

"Why?" he screamed to the heavens. "Why will no one love me? Why can I never have a friend? No one loves me... no one cares about me..." He continued to talk to himself about his woes, dragging himself deeper into depression and a certainty that he will always be alone. "No one will ever love a demon br-"

Suddenly, as if the heavens were answering his cries, the sky began to darken. Black clouds began to circle above the Hokage Monument. Lighting arced in the sky, and a massive bolt struck the ground mere feet away from the sobbing boy. He looked at the smoke, and slowly stopped crying, overcome instead by curiosity. For as the smoke cleared the form of a woman became visible. And not just a woman, but the single most amazing woman Naruto had ever seen.

At first he could only see her stunning silhouette from within the smoke, but as it cleared and he was able to see her completely, he became more and more fascinated. She had rich, golden-brown skin, long white hair that was held by a golden band along with two long tales of hair that reached her hips, red-gold eyes, and a strange star-shaped tattoo on her forehead. She also wore on of the most revealing outfits Naruto had ever seen a woman wear, a long dress of deep purple with pink trims. It also had a large opening in the front that revealed a large portion of her breasts and part of her stomach. The look was completed by her white high-heeled shoes.

While Naruto was taking in the vision of beauty before him, Hild was also looking over her soon to be fiancé. He was a tall teen, a few inches taller than herself, with messy golden blond hair and deep blue eyes. All in all, he looked like a perfect clone of that damn Minato, the man who helped in forcing her into her current position. The only differences were the whisker marks on his cheeks that would slowly form the boy's tattoos as he aged and the atrocious orange jumpsuit he was wearing.

'Well, at least he's good looking, although his taste in clothes is beyond terrible... Hmm? He appears to have been crying...He also appears to like what he sees...' She moved a bit to give the boy a better view of her breasts, and gave him a wink and a smirk, to which his response was a massive blush and averting his eyes from her. 'Still got it!' She silently cheered.

They just sat there, staring at each other, for (what seemed like) a long time (for two people with very short attention spans) after that. The boy never making eye contact, and Hild was considering what to do next. Ultimately, she got tired of waiting after a few minutes of uncomfortable silence and spoke up.

"Hey, cutie. You're Naruto Uzumaki, right?" He nodded his head dumbly. "Oh, good! I found you already! Well, _Na-ru-to,"_ she cooed, slowly sauntering towards him, "_My_" she emphasized herself by pressing her breasts against Naruto's back "name is Hild, Daimakaichō of Niflheim. I'm here to grant your mother's last wish." Naruto spun around at the mention of his mother. "This is not really the place to talk about such... personal things, though". She moved to his side and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pressing her breasts on his arm, and making his already red face turn scarlet. "Would you take me somewhere bit more... _private, Na-ru-to_," she whispered into Naruto's ear, drawing a circle on his chest with her finger. Poor Naruto had no idea what was happening. All he knew was that his body was getting really hot and his pants were starting to get really tight...

He shook her off and stuttered out, "M-my apartment is n-nearby, will that w-w-work?"

"Oh, taking me home already? What a _daring_ guy you are, _Na-ru-to_." She grabbed him again. "Lead the way cutie!" Hild chirped. She then wrapped her arm around his causing the red blush that graced his face earlier to deepen.

"Y-ye-yes ma'am," he managed to get out. He then led her to the pathway down Hokage Mountain until she stopped him. He turned to her confused. "S'matter?"

"I've never been a big fan of walking."

Naruto raised a brow to that. "Well how do you propose we get to my place then?" he asked confused.

Hild gave him an evil grin before she pulled him to her, effectively stuffing his face between her massive mounds. She felt Naruto go completely limp before letting out a loud howl and vanishing in a puff of smoke and appearing in front of his apartment. "Well, here we are!" she chirped happily. Naruto did nothing nor did say a word. Hild looked down confused and nearly jumped out of her skin at the sight.

Naruto was still limp but now a shade deep blue. She quickly pried him from her breasts to hear him mumble something about softness, suffocation and heaven.

Hild began to shake him back to the world of the living before she latched on to his mouth breathing life into him. Then it suddenly dawned on her. Why in the holy hell was she trying to revive him? He dies, she goes free!

But alas, it was too late and Naruto once again joined the land of the living. 'Damn! I was so close too!' She berated herself in her head. "You okay kiddo?" she asked not in slightest bit worried.

Naruto must have sensed this as he lowered his head and turned to the door. "Yeah… Just fine." He replied in a somewhat cold tone. He unlocked the door and stood aside to let Hild in first ignoring the semi-shocked look she gave him.

She looked around his home as he locked the door. The place was pathetic. It looked like a war was fought in their followed by a yearlong rainstorm, but then again Hild did have a tendency to over exaggerate. The floor and walls looked worn and the former was incredibly creaky with nails sticking out of it. But the worst part was that the place was _tiny_ and there was only one, count 'em, ONE bed. "Jeez kid," she started, "this little rinky dinky shithole is your _home_?"

He scoffed and stomped another nail down before flopping on the couch. "Yep," he started with a scowl on his face, "this place is only place that _they_ would let the 'Disgusting Demon Brat' have."

Hild grew a scowl as deep as Naruto's. She knew humans feared and hated demons and accepted this, but that doesn't mean she had to fucking like it, or that she couldn't still get pissed off by it. "Ignorant swines."

"Pretty much," Naruto spat out. He softened up a little and patted a spot on the couch next to him. "Now if you would Miss Hild," he started politely, "please tell me what exactly is going on."

She sighed and sat next to him, pulling his head to her letting it rest on her left breast. She then began to rub his earning a gentle purring from him. "It's a long story, so let's hope you're comfy." When she received a gentle nod and continuous purring, she began to tell the _entire _story.

After about an hour of explanations, questions, crying and acceptance, Naruto had the whole story. His mother, Kushina Uzumaki, made a dying deal, trading her service and place in heaven to ensure he would have Hild as his wife and have a happy life. Also learning that Hild helped the Yondaime Hokage in sealing Kyuubi inside of him, though he was disappointed to know she had no information on his dad. But, it was quickly pushed aside by the thought of his mother sacrificing so much for him, thus proving that she loved him even in death.

Naruto sighed and looked Hild in the eyes. "Hild, I know you're not happy about being stuck with me, hell who would be?" he said in a dead serious tone. "So know this, you don't have to do this. You can leave me be and carry on with your life. I could never live with myself knowing I'm keeping someone from happiness." It was true. Naruto hated making people unhappy. Unfortunately, he did that by merely existing.

Hild was genuinely surprised by this. He was letting her go! He was nullifying the contract himself! 'Take it girl! TAKE IT!' She was screaming inside her head to fucking take it! But for some reason she wasn't jumping on it. She was… thinking about it?

"N-no thanks…" What the hell did she just say? No? "I'm staying right here."

"But why?" he asked severely confused. "I thought you would jump at the opportunity!"

Quick-witted as ever she came up with an excuse. "Normally I would. But human ignorance has gone on too long. These people think you're useless and that no one would want you." She gained a smirk. "And if there's one thing that never gets old… it's seeing idiot humans' faces when they see how wrong they were. I will turn you into a total powerhouse and a complete fox… uh, no pun intended. Not to mention I made a deal and I never break a deal."

Naruto smiled brightly and took her hands. "Thank you so much Hild! You won't regret staying with me!"

Hild actually had to fight back a blush, this kid may have horrible fashion sense but all be damned if he wasn't kind and had a big heart. Usually Hild didn't do kind but with this boy… she would make an exception. She just rubbed his head and pulled him close to which he turned blood red. "Now then," she cooed seductively, "let's take this moment to... _seal_ this deal.._._

Naruto flushed as Hild began to drag him into the bedroom before a sudden pink light came down from the ceiling and with it a… woman?

"Greetings Naruto monchere!" the voice called out.

Hild glared at the new arrival as she touched the ground...

Can someone say cat fight?

* * *

**So there we go. Fixed some mistakes and made some adjustments. I'm sure there are a few things that eluded my eyes but if I find them, I'll fix them.**

**Once again thanks go to Archerdood.**

**Until next post this is DP saying Peace, Love and Gore.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Sup, sup?**

**Deadpool here and the cleansing continues with Chapter 2. Chapter 5 will follow when all is complete. So patience children... patience. **

**Disclaimer: Blah, blah, blah you know the fucking drill.**

* * *

Peorth was extremely excited, for today was the day she had been waiting all these years for... to fulfill her contract with the handsome Minato Namikaze by marrying his equally handsome son! As she prepared herself for her big journey, she thought back on what she saw as she had watched the boy's life for the last fourteen years from up in heaven.

She thought back to how the boy was treated by the people of his village. Her beautiful face gained a scowl as she remembered how they would ignore and beat the boy senseless on any given day but especially bad on his birthday which was the day that that damned Kyuubi attacked his village. The fact that that bastard leader and his "elite ninja" were suppose to protect him, but would only come after the damage had been done and all around ignored him. She had almost broken the rules on many occasions to leave heaven and help the poor child out only to be stopped by The Almighty himself. He told her that while it was horrible to watch how he was treated, she had to remain calm and keep herself in check until the day arrived.

The scowl turned into a gentle smile as she remembered how well he had grown up. How gentle and kindhearted he was, always putting other before himself and brushing off the insults and glares from his people. How he was taken in by those three women who saw him as a person and not a demon. One of them even went through the exact same hardship as the boy. Her friends were soon to follow suit and even taught the young blonde most of what he new.

Her face was graced with a blush as remembered that the boy was now a man and had become drop dead handsome... much like his father. The times she had seen him without a shirt on or even bathing the last couple of years caused her to squeal in joy. She was the luckiest goddess out there. She had scored a scorching hottie... and a powerful one at that, even if most of it came from that demon.

After all the reminiscing she finally thought back to the day that would ensure her life would change for the better. The day Minato arrived.

* * *

_~F-F-Flashback!~_

_Peorth was simply put... bored... as hell. Ha ha! Get it? ...Good god kill me..._

_Ever since the angel eater incident with the three goddess sisters and the Valkyrie Lind, life in heaven had been... slow. Painfully, painfully slow. Sure since then she and Lind had become quite good friends and hung out on a regular basis, but her job left something to be desired._

_She just sat there day after day watching her phone... not ring. It was infuriating! Every other goddess had good business EXCEPT her! Peorth groaned loudly slumping down into her chair and picking up a rose. "Something exciting will happen today," she said plucking a petal. "Nothing will happen today," she said plucking another petal. She continued this process, repeating herself over and over. Then she reached the last petal. A huge grin appeared on her face. "Something exciting WILL HAPPEN!" she damn near yelled out as she plucked the last petal. No sooner had the petal hit the floor did Lind burst through the door._

"_Peorth!" Lind yelled for her. "We have an intruder headed for The Almighty! Let's go!"_

_Peorth smirked and looked at down at Lind. "You got it Lind monchere!" She then jumped down from her post and flew out the door with the Valkyrie. "Any idea what this intruder looks like?"_

_Lind shook her head and kept looking straight ahead. "No. We know nothing of them, but if they are headed for The Almighty... something tells me it can't be good."_

_Peorth's smirk grew. Okay so this wasn't exactly the excitement she was looking for but hey, bottom line... it WAS excitement. She thought about the rose she plucked naked. 'I should really do that more often.'_

_When they arrived to The Almighty's chamber they saw a blonde person with tattered clothes and blood dripping from their body._

_Lind and Peorth flew into the person's path and saw it was a man... who was looking worse for wear. Nonetheless Lind knew looks were deceiving. "Halt!" she ordered the man._

_He kept his forward march and reached his hand out. "P-please... I need... to speak with *cough* *cough* Kami..." his wheezed out. "I... must... speak to Kami..." he then proceeded to fall to his knees and bowed his head deeply._

"_You shall do no such-" Lind started but was cut cut off._

"_Minato Namikaze," The Almighty spoke out. "You have finally come to me."_

_Peorth's eyes widened at the man's name. Namikaze? The human that The Almighty kept a personal eye on was here! The man so powerful that The Almighty HIMSELF wished to meet! Both Peorth and Lind dropped to a knee to him. This was a man of high regard._

"_Come forth Minato," The Almighty said. "I will hear you out."_

_Minato managed to get himself up and shamble his way forward. As he got to the women he rested a hand on each of their shoulders. "Stand, please," he spoke. "I am not worthy... of this respect. I am only human and you are of the gods... *cough* Rise. I beg of you."_

_The friends were dumbstruck at the respect this man showed. It seemed as though Lind was to protest but Minato raised his hand to her and trudged on before falling. The women quickly rushed to his side._

"_At least let us help you," Peorth pleaded. "You're in horrible condition."_

_Minato looked at Peorth before giving her a smile and nodding. After all... he knew their was NO arguing with a woman. His wife had taught him that first hand._

_Peorth and Lind threw one his arms over of their shoulders before pressing on and setting him before their employer._

"_Lind, Peorth wait outside while we talk." The Almighty commanded. He received no argument as the friends turned and flew out._

"_Very lovely women they are," Minato commented with a smile._

_The Almighty smiled back. "Yes, two of the best I have. Now let us speak oh great Namikaze."_

_While The Almighty was speaking to Minato, Lind and Peorth waited calmly outside. Well, Peorth did at least. Lind on the other was pacing back and forth. She trusted no stranger with The Almighty._

"Lind_ please stop, you're making me dizzy," Peorth said grabbing her head. "That is man The Almighty wanted to see for a while now. Besides if he does try anything... well I think he both know what'll happen."_

_Lind stopped and raised and looked at her friend like she was insane. "Peorth don't be naive," Lind started, "You know as well as I do that anyone and everyone can be a threat and that I-"_

_She was cut off when her brunette friend grabbed her hands. "I know Lind, I know. I know you better than anyone, even yourself sometimes," she said gently while rubbing her hands. "You don't trust him and that's understandable, but trust me when I say it will all be okay." Peorth finished with a smile._

_Lind's face was graced with a smile as she took and deep breath and relaxed. "You're right Peorth," the Valkyrie started, "I really need to relax... maybe a vacation..."_

"_That's the way to think!" the First-class Goddess quipped._

_The two struck up a conversation for a few minutes before the massive doors of The Almighty's chamber opened and he stepped out along with... Minato?_

_The two friends blinked and looked the blonde. When he arrived he bloodied and beaten, now though... he looked good as new. New clothes, no wounds and... and... the markings of a GOD!_

"_Peorth," The Almighty said snapping her from her trance, "come now, we have much to discuss about your future."_

_Needless to say Peorth's eyes were replaced with dinner plates._

_~F-F-Flashback Breaker!~_

* * *

Peorth sighed happily and quickly finished what she had to do before heading to The Almighty's chamber to depart.

When she arrived she was greeted by The Almighty himself, Minato Namikaze and her best friend Lind who was now crying. She approached the three and was quickly wrapped in a teary hug from her white-haired friend.

"Please be careful and take good care of yourself Peorth," Lind sniffled out through sobs.

Peorth nodded and returned hug. "Of course, and the same goes for you Lind," Peorth told her weeping friend. After receiving a nod from Lind, Peorth walked up to Minato and The Almighty. Minato took her hand and smiled.

"Please take care of my son Miss Peorth," Minato said softly, to which he received a blushing nod.

Peorth turned to The Almighty who smiled. "Do your best Peorth," he said. She nodded again and was consumed by a pink light. With that Peorth was on her way.

* * *

Naruto was in a predicament. He was currently being drug off to his room to have kinky sex with the Queen of Hell. Wait did I say predicament? I meant he was in the best position of his life! At least he would be in a couple of minutes. But suddenly everything stopped as a pink light came down from the ceiling and with it a... woman?

"Greetings Naruto monchere!" The woman quipped happily as her feet touched the floor and the pink light died away.

Hild could only narrow her eyes at the goddess as she unconsciously left go of a baffled Naruto's collar. 'Oh fuck... not her...' Hild thought with great distaste while rubbing her temple with her index finger and thumb.

Peorth did a twirl and gave a bow giving Naruto and Hild an unintentional view of her cleavage inside her top that had a very revealing hole cut on it. "My sweet Naruto," the woman started off standing up straight, "I am here to fulfill my duty to you!"

This allowed Naruto to look the woman over and realized her outfit left very little to the imagination. Her top resembled somewhat of a half-shirt tank top stopping only an inch below her breasts, with a hole cut in it revealing a nice view of her bust. Her bottom reminded him somewhat of a bikini bottom and her shoes came only a few inches above her ankle revealing the entirety of her long, smooth legs. And the thing around her stomach... was, what he dubbed, a fancy sash. Speaking of her stomach... it was perfect. Wait scratch that, her whole BODY was perfect, just like Hild's. She had the perfect hourglass shape.

Peorth must have noticed Naruto checking her out because her mouth turned into a grin. "There will be plenty of time to drool over my body later Naruto but for now must introduce myself. Ahem!" She cleared her throat. "I am the goddess of love First-class, unlimited license, the beautiful..." She struck a pose before Hild cut in.

"Peorth." She said her name with great distaste.

Peorth nearly fell over her damn feet when she heard that. She quickly snapped her head up and looked at the source of the voice. There stood none other than the Queen of Hell herself, Hild. Next she wondered how the hell could she have not noticed her there before. The author could ask the same before facepalming. "You!" Peorth shouted pointing at the woman.

Hild simply nodded and pointed at herself. "Me."

"What in the name of The Almighty are YOU doing here Hild!?" she inquired.

"Simple," Hild started pointing at Naruto, "I am betrothed to one Naruto Uzumaki by contract of his deceased mother. Now, why are YOU here Peorth?"

Peorth went wide eyed. "What?" she damn near screamed. "I am betrothed to Naruto by contract of his deceased father! And his name is Naruto _Namikaze. _Not Uzumaki."

"WHAT!"both Naruto AND Hild shouted in unison, before looking at each other.

Peorth gave them both a confused look. "Yes, Namikaze. As in the son of Minato Namikaze."

Naruto's heart skipped a beat. He... was the son... of Minato! He was dumbstruck. So much so he couldn't hear Hild and Peorth arguing about the double contract situation. "I... am the son of the Yondaime..." he stated softly with tears flowing out of his eyes. He then clenched his fists and shut his eyes before darting out his window and to his usual private spot... Hokage Mountain.

Meanwhile the two women Naruto was to marry were still at his house still arguing. "Alright fine!" Peorth shouted at Hild. "We'll let Naruto decide!"

"Fine by me!" Hild returned.

'Heh, it's in the bag!' They both thought confidently.

"Alright Naruto," Hild started turning to where they thought the boy still was, "Who do you want to m-" She cut herself off when she saw the boy missing. "Naruto?"

Peorth noticed this and looked around. "Naruto monchere? Where are you darling?" Peorth called out getting a little desperate.

The Two searched frantically before Hild suddenly stopped and thought for a moment. Then it hit her. "Goddess, let's go," she commanded. "I think I might know where he is."

Peorth scoffed at the idea of taking orders from Hild, but if she possibly knew where to find Naruto... she would listen... this time. "You had better be right demon," she spat out.

Hild merely rolled her eyes and flew out the window closely followed by Peorth. The women kept to the rooftops to avoid being seen but at the speed they were going... not like anybody would see anything anyways. It took no time at all to reach their destination, Hokage Mountain. And behold, Hild's womanly intuition was right. Because as usual sitting on the Yondaime's head was a crying Naruto.

"You bastard..." they heard Naruto say. "You sorry bastard... How could you? How could you do that to me? Your own son!" Naruto shouted while sobbing. "Because of you the village hates me! Because you locked that goddamn fox inside of me! You must have really been ashamed of me … I hate you dad..."

When Peorth heard that her heart sank... deep. She burst into tears and ran to the sobbing boy. "Naruto!" she cried out enveloping the boy in a tight embrace.

This caught Naruto off guard as he did not expect to be followed. "P-Peorth?" Naruto asked.

"Yes Naruto, it's me," she said softly. "Please don't say things like that Naruto. I met your father." She now had Naruto's full attention. "That's not true, your father loved you with all his heart. Why do you think he sent me to marry you?" She gave him a warm smile. "Your father sealed the Kyuubi inside of you because he _knew _you were the only one strong enough to contain the demon. He did it to protect you, your mother and this... village," she said, the last word leaving a bad taste in her mouth. Peorth could hold one hell of a grudge.

Naruto stared at the woman for a moment before squeezing her and burying his face into her chest sobbing. Peorth simply held the boy tighter. At this point Hild had taken a seat next to the blonde and placed a comforting hand his shoulder. Quite out of character for the Queen of Hell, yeah?

"Come now Naruto," Hild started, "Enough of this. You're ruining that cute face." She cringed in her mind. 'Not used to this comforting crap.' Hild thought to herself. "I say we just go home and call it a day. What do you say?"

Naruto pried himself from Peorth before nodding. "Right, sure. But before we do that, we should see the Hokage. He keeps his ANBU on watch of me twenty-four seven. I might as well let him know what is going on with you two before he starts prying into my privacy again. Last thing I need is him thinking you two are assassins from another village and running you out or some crap like that."

Hild merely shrugged and Peorth... well Peorth smirked. She had A LOT she needed to say to the old bastard.

While Peorth was caught up in her own thoughts, Hild took advantage of the situation. Just as Naruto was going to lead the ladies on to the Hokage Hild pulled Naruto face first into her nice cleavage. "Come on now Naruto. To the Hokage now we go!" she quipped out loud with a laugh and took off backwards flying to Hokage Tower. This act was enough to wake Peorth up and she witnessed the Queen of Hell making off with _her _man. Worst of all his face was crammed into the cheating wench's boobs.

"Hey you sorry bitch!" Peorth yelled angrily, taking off after them. "That is MY man and what you're doing is MY job!"

Hild simply continued to laugh and flew the short distance to Hokage Tower. When she landed she pried Naruto from her assets and checked the boy over. Amazingly this he was able to stay conscious. Though he he was a little dazed and confused, but fine nonetheless. Peorth soon joined them glaring hard at Hild. Before Hild could make another move Peorth hooked her arm with Naruto's and walked with him up the stairs. "Come along Naruto monchere," Peorth sang followed by turning her head sticking her tongue out at Hild. This only proved to annoy Hild as a tick mark appeared on her forehead.

* * *

When the three reached the top and reached the secretary's desk they saw the woman had a scowl on her face, and it was directed at Naruto. Hild and Peorth had a bit of a problem with that.

"Hi, we need to see the Hokage. It is very important," Naruto said with as much respect as he could. He knew the woman despised him.

This was only further proved when the woman laughed a little and turned her attention back to her nails where they previously were. "He doesn't have time for you, sorry," she spat in the most unapologetic voice ever.

Naruto was about to turn around when Peorth and Hild stopped him. "Naruto monchere," Peorth began in a too sweet tone. "Go on ahead to the Hokage while Hild and I have nice little chat with his secretary."

The secretary went to say something but was promptly cut off by Hild. "Yes, Naruto go on," she too said in an overly sweet tone. "We'll be done quickly and join you."

Naruto could be slow sometimes but this was not one of those times. He knew exactly what was going to happen, and normally, he would object to it... but he thought better of it. 'After all' he thought, 'You can't really argue with women.' Good old Minato's genes coming in handy, yeah? "Alright, have fun you two," he said casually strolling by the stunned secretary to the Hokage's office.

Before the secretary could say anything Hild and Peorth each grabbed one of her shoulders.

"Come along now dear," Hild said still in her sickly sweet tone.

"We have _much_ to discuss," Peorth finished in the same voice.

They then proceeded to drag the woman out of her chair before taking off with her. Naruto could only laugh and shake his head. He turned to open the door when he stopped and realized something... He was acting different. Not much, but enough to notice. Why was that? He quickly shook the thought to the back of his head. He would figure that out later, but for now he'd chock it up to that douchebag fox.

He slammed the doors open to see that the Hokage had visitors, some of the Jonin teachers of his graduating class. I front of the Hokage's desk stood the chain-smoking Asuma Sarutobi, the green freak of Konoha Might Gai, the red-eyed beauty and one of his "big sisters" Kurenai Yuhi, and finally Kakashi Hatake, that perverted bastard cyclops the treated him like dirt. Naruto shook his head again at the harsh thought. Fucking fox.

"Ah, well hello there Naruto," Kurenai greeted sweetly with a smile.

Naruto returned the smile. "Heya Nai-Nai! What's going on here?"

The Hokage cut in before Kurenai could answer. "Naruto what is it that you need? We're in the middle of something rather important."

Naruto just plopped down on the couch. "Oh, don't stop on my behalf," Naruto started, "I just came by with some questions and news about my family."

All eyes were on the blonde Jinchuriki. "Naruto I've told you a thousand times I don't know who your parents are," The Sandaime said breaking the momentary silence.

Naruto just scoffed. "Bullshit old man," he said bluntly. "You're lying because I know you know who my parents are because now I know who they are."

Everyone froze. "Y-y-you know...?" the Hokage asked shocked as ever. "H-how...?"

"My fiances," Naruto deadpanned.

"Your WHAT!" Kurenai shrieked out breaking more than a few eardrums.

"Just be patient," Naruto said reassuringly cleaning out his damaged ear. "They'll be here momentarily." As soon as he said that blood-curdling scream was heard from Hokage Mountain. The adults looked out the window to the monument only to see nothing.

Asuma blinked twice. "What the hell? I coulda swore I heard a sc-"

Before he could finish the doors to the Hokage's office damn near burst off the hinges. "Naruto monchere!" an all to familiar voice chirped out. "We're all done so let's get this over and go home!"

Peorth entered the followed by a pleased looking Hild. "Come on Naruto baby, let's get this over with. I need a bath," Hild said stretching. Naruto got up from the couch and stepped between the to deities and putting his arms around each of their waists.

"Everyone meet my fiances, the lovely Peorth and beautiful Hild," Naruto said happily.

Peorth had a blush and her hands holding her cheeks. "Oh why Naruto sweety," she said moving into his grasp more, "Don't embarrass me like that."

Hild merely smirked and leaned toward Naruto effectively smooshing half his face in her exposed cleavage much to the ire of Peorth. "Oh Naruto baby," Hild cooed, "That is so sweet of you."

Silence is what greeted the three. Mostly because Asuma was bleeding on the ground, due to a combination of a nosebleed and Kurenai knocking the ever-loving shit out of him, the Hokage had his back turned stuffing tissues up his nose, Kakashi was in a state of shock as was Gai, and Kurenai? Well, she was looking on in envious fury at the two womens' perfect bodies. Kurenai knew she was damn fine herself but she knew when she was beat.

Gai broke the silence. "YOSH! NARUTO HAS NOT ONE BUT TWO SOON TO BE BRIDES! THIS IS CLEARLY AN ACT OF EXTREME YOUTHFULNESS!" Everyone save the shell-shocked Kakashi and the unconscious Asuma, had there ears covered.

"Uh, right Gai," Naruto started, "Do you and Kurenai think you could give us a little time alone with Gramps here to discuss things?"

Gai simply threw Asuma and Kakashi over his shoulder. "YOSH! OF COURSE NARUTO! TAKE AS MUCH TIME AS NEEDED!" Gai shouted running _through_ the office door.

Kurenai strolled out of the office, her nose turned up at the women. "We'll talk later Naruto," she warned stepping through the Gai shaped hole. 'I gotta tell the girls!' Kurenai thought taking off.

"Naruto I-" the Hokage started before Naruto raised his hand.

"Let's talk Lord Hokage."

Two hours later everything had been discussed and approved, whether the Hokage was on board or not. The Sandaime had been firmly and repeatedly put in his place by Peorth. She brought up his childhood much to Hiruzen's dread. When she questioned as to why he ignored Naruto, he was lost. He then proceeded to cook up some bullshit excuse about 'experiencing the hard life of a shinobi' and 'keeping Naruto loyal to the village' and 'the village comes before a single person' but Naruto saw through it.

Naruto wouldn't argue the village coming before just one person, but when he questioned as to how being ignored and beaten by the people he would have to protect as a shinobi had anything to do with the life of a shinobi or keep him loyal to the village the old man paled. He had no answer. But the worst stinger came from Peorth.

"_You are the leader of this village and it is your job to look after and protect these people," _she told him straight out, _"and when refused to help Naruto, you didn't just fail him, you failed the village, Minato, and the Hokage name. You are a FAILURE."_

That had hit right at home. She was right. He failed... miserably. After the biting comments and female fury, Naruto stood at the office door twirling the keys to his new home, The Namikaze Estate.

"Don't forget about my transfer Gramps," Naruto said as he, Hild and Peorth disappeared out of his office. The old man merely nodded and turned to Minato's head on Hokage Mountain with a sigh.

"I am a failure..."

* * *

Meanwhile on the walk to his new home, Naruto thought about his newish attitude. 'Could it really be the fox?' he thought to himself. 'Is it because I've been around Peorth and Hild? No that can't be it, I mean I haven't even been with them a whole day. What is it?' He was quickly snapped back to reality by Hild's snapping fingers.

"Naruto," she called snapping the boy back to reality, "You okay baby?"

Naruto shook his head. "I think that damn fox is fucking with my head."

Hild quirked an eyebrow. "Oh, really now?" she said in a dangerously sweet tone. "I guess I'll just have to have a nice _chat_ with the fox then."

"You mean _we'll_ have a chat with the fox," Peorth said annoyed.

Hild just scoffed and the three made it home. After getting settled in the den, Hild stood in front of Naruto. Peorth took his hand and readied herself.

"Let's get this over with, shall we?" Hild asked. After receiving a nod from the blonde Hild placed her hand on his forehead and all three were transferred into Naruto's subconscious. Or a sewer from the looks of it.

Peorth gagged and Hild rolled her eyes before making her way through the sewer and coming upon the Kyuubi's cage. Naruto proceeded to move forward and kick the cage repeatedly.

"WAKE UP YOU FUCKING FURCOAT!" Naruto screamed.

For moment, nothing. Then a massive figure came forward. "Boy," it started sounding irritated, "Are you _trying_ my fucking patience?"

"Shut up and make yourself pretty," Naruto shot back. "I've some people who wanna talk with you."

The Kyuubi scoffed as it noticed Peorth. "Why in the fuck would I talk to some pathetic mortals?" Kyuubi questioned. "I am Kyuubi no Kitsune! The most powerful demon alive! All bow before me!"

"Uh, excuse me?" Hild asked.

Kyuubi's eyes widened at the sound of that voice. It's head snapped around to see the one woman it thought it'd never see again, Hild. "L-Lady Hild!"

Naruto's jaw dropped as Hild smirked. "Damn right."

* * *

**Ch-ch-check it yo! That was Chapter 2 y'all. R&R fuckers.**

**Again cleaning up this story to please myself. If you're all good little readers you'll get Chapter 5 at the end. It's the light at the end of the tunnel y'all. **

**Anyway, I'm outie 5000 for now. Ciao.**


	3. Chapter 3

**What is this Chapter 3? I can't keep up. Fuck it.**

**The cleansing moves forward with Chapter 3. And I'll continue teasing you with Chapter 5. TEASE TEASE TEASE TEASE TEASE TEASE TEASE TEASE TEASE TEASE TEASE TEASE TEASE**

**But anyway, on with the slaughter.**

**Disclaimer: Goddammit do I really have to put this shit on here? As if I could actually profit off this anyway. For fuck's sake.**

* * *

"L-Lady Hild!" Kyuubi exclaimed as it continued to stare at the woman that could put its power to complete shame. "Wha-what is the most p-powerful and beautiful entity d-doing here?"

Hild gave Kyuubi a flat stare at its pathetic attempt at flattering her. "Oh, how sweet of you to say that," she replied in the most sarcastic way she could. The flat look on her face was soon replaced with a sadistic grin as she began walking toward Kyuubi swaying her hips while she walked. "Now do tell me again what that was about you being the most powerful demon ever?" Hild stepped through the prison bars and right up to the cowering Kyuubi.

"I-," was all the chakra demon got out before Hild sent a kick to the beast's muzzle that straight out rocked Kyuubi's shit. Kyuubi hit the back wall of its cage with a cringe-inducing slam. The demon had no time to recover as Hild was right on it with a punch to the throat that sent Kyuubi against the wall again.

"Save it you sorry piece of trash. Be lucky you're still of some use to me or I would have turned you to flesh and blood and slaughtered you for my subjects." Hild was all business now. She placed her foot on the chakra being's throat and watched as it began to shrink down to about Naruto's size. She then grabbed it by its throat and drug it out of the cage much to Naruto's shock.

"H-how did you bring it out of the cage!" Naruto blurted out in total awe. "I thought as long as the seal was working Kyuubi couldn't leave the cage! I thought-" Naruto was quickly silenced by Hild putting her finger on his lips.

Hild grinned slightly at the sight of Naruto blushing and slowly melting behind her touch. The fact that she could sense Peorth fuming behind her only fueled it further. "Naruto, baby," Hild started in a calm voice, "know this, I helped your nutso father make the very seal in question. I can bend and alter the seal as I see fit. Which means if I ever want to pull this fucking furcoat as you so cleverly named it, out of your head for any reason, I can and will." She finished with wink and a peck on the lips. And with that Naruto was on the ground and Peorth was surrounded by flames of rage.

"You... Will... Die... Slowly... Painfully... Horribly..." Peorth ground out while imagining Hild being mutilated in many gruesome ways. "Count on it... bitch..." Hild merely kissed her free hand and smacked her ass with it as she leaned on the cage seal. The bitch would pay.

Naruto finally pulled himself up on his still wobbly legs and looked at Kyuubi who was quietly whimpering.. "So... what now?" Naruto asked steadying himself. "We need to interrogate the furry bastard and see what he's doing to..." Naruto trailed off before grabbing his head. "Ow..."

Peorth walked over to the boy and put her hands on his cheeks. "Naruto monchere? Are you okay?" The goddess asked very concerned.

Naruto gave her a somewhat reassuring smile and grabbed one of her hands. "I'm fine Peorth monchere. It'll take a lot more than some tiny headache to take me out of the game," he told the beauty in front of him. His response was a loud squeal and being engulfed in her nice, soft bust.

Hild's eye twitched as she was about to dish out a nice big helping of whoop ass when she stopped herself and mentally berated herself. For what? For getting jealous over that boy. 'Keep your head together you dolt! He's just some punk kid!' Hild continued to lie to herself for another minute or two before being brought back to earth by Naruto's hand waving in her face.

"Yoo hoo? Hild? You okay babe?" Naruto asked with an eyebrow cocked. "Come on now, you're pulling a me. Snap out of it."

Hild shook her head to collect herself... and to get rid of the blush on her face from being called 'babe'. "Sorry baby. Lost it there for a sec. What were we doing again?" She looked at the quivering ball of fur in her hand. "Oh, yeah. Interrogation." Hild slammed Kyuubi violently against one of the cage bars. "Listen you furry fuck, do you mind explaining what you're doing to my fiance?"

If chakra beast's could cry... Kyuubi would be shitting itself right about now. "I have n-no idea what you are t-talking about Milady," Kyuubi pitifully sputtered its case before being slammed against the cage hard. "I swear I don't!"

"Liar! Something strange has been affecting Naruto all day," Peorth stated with a scowl. The scowl soon turned into a sickly sweet smile. "And guess what?" Peorth leaned in close to Kyuubi. "You're prime suspect numero uno." She then proceeded to pull her fist back and slam it full speed into the demon's muzzle eliciting a cry of pain from the beast. "Now fucking talk."

"I... don't... know...?" Bzzt. Wrong answer. Kyuubi received a knee to the gut for its troubles. "I swear I don't know!" Stiletto boot heel to the gut. "I don't fucking know!" Knife-edge chop to the chest... woo.* "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! I DON'T FUCKING KNOW! I SWEAR I DON'T!"

Naruto could only watch in complete awe, horror, and fear as they continued Kyuubi's punishment. "They just got the most powerful biju in existence to cry like a bitch," Naruto started before burying his face into his palm, "I have never seen more frightening women in my life... and I was raised partially by Anko... Note to self... stay on good side of your wives." That's just common sense. Thank god for Minato's genes.

As Hild and Peorth continued the punishment, Hild had a thought. This wasn't as much fun as it could be. Hild stopped and looked at Kyuubi, much to the confusion of said demon and Peorth.

"What's the matter?" Peorth asked slightly irritated. "Why did you stop?"

Hild looked Kyuubi over and over. "It's not as much fun if we can't tell that we're even hurting it..."

Peorth looked at Hild, eyebrow cocked. "Do what?"

Hild rolled her eyes and sighed. Goddesses are so slow. "What I'm saying is how do we know we are actually hurting this thing? I mean it's made out of chakra. There is no blood, no bruises, no nothing!" Hild said grabbing Kyuubi's muzzle looking it over more closely. Kyuubi was starting to look very panicked.

"Well it is screaming in pain when we hit it." Peorth pointed out. Kyuubi visibly relaxed a little.

Hild shook her head. "For all we know those screams are fake," Hild countered. "After all it was dumb enough to disrespect me once." Hild turned to the goddess. "Get what I'm saying?"

"So in order to ensure that this thing is learning it's lesson, we need to make damn sure it can feel it," Peorth explained crossing her arms under her bust.

"Precisely," Hild responded. She then reached over and rubbed Peorth's head like a puppy. "Good girl! I knew you weren't _THAT _slow." Hild smirked knowing she had just pissed the goddess off something fierce.

Peorth grabbed Hild's hand twisted... hard. "You die after I finish with this one," She threatened hiking her thumb to Kyuubi. Hild just rolled her eyes and pulled her hand free.

"You mean when _WE _are done, fool," Hild snapped back. "Stand back and let me work." Peorth did so while grumbling something about bitches, whores, and fake tits. Hild's eye twitched at that. She was no whore and her tits were three things: real, big, and awesome. A bitch though... totally.

Hild grinned as she looked down at Kyuubi and picked it up by the sides of its head. "Now," Hild started off, "who should I model you after?" Hild gave the thought a minute before giving a smile full of distaste. "Seeing what a complete failure you are, it's only suiting to model you after the biggest failure that ever served me." Once her mind was made up, both Hild and Kyuubi were surrounded by a purple aura. Slowly, Kyuubi began to lose the fox shape and took on the shape of a human female. Blonde hair began to sprout from atop the morphing demon's head and it flowed down to the now forming plump buttocks. Plentiful breasts protruded from the chest and small fangs poked out and over the bottom lip. Hild's smile gained more distaste and hatred as the transformation continued. Once the morphing ceased, Hild let out a maniacal laugh and wrapped her hand around the woman's throat, lifting her up off the ground. "One last touch," Hild stated psychotically before plunging her red aura covered hand right where the woman's heart was. The feminized demon let out a horrible scream of pain while Hild pulled out a large ball of red and orange that soon receded into the Daimakaichō. Unfortunately Hild was to lost in her "fun" and Peorth to lost in the show to notice Naruto on his knees writhing in complete agony, his scream lost in the scream of the nude woman in Hild's hand. Naruto took all he could before he finally collapsed.

"By The Almighty!" Peorth shouted when the scream finally ceased. "I thought it would never end!" Peorth began cleaning her ears, making sure she could still hear. "What did you do to Kyuubi?"

Hild laughed and dropped the unconscious woman. "Kyuubi is no more sugar," Hild started flipping her hair in an effort to calm down, "say hello to the biggest failure to ever serve me, Mara."

Peorth looked at the woman on the ground and went wide eyed. Sure enough, there lay a spitting image of Mara the first class demon that served under Hild before... well before her final failure that resulted in her end. "Well then...," is all Peorth could manage.

Hild looked down at the pile of useless, nude woman in front of her. She proceeded to reach down and grab the newly dubbed Mara by the hair eliciting a small yelp of pain from her before setting the woman down on her feet. Hild gave a sick smile and cupped Mara's jaw. "Well aren't you just adorable you worthless little bitch," she seethed as she tightened her grip on the failed demons jaw earning a moan of pain. "Now you truly are the vision of utter failure. Now I'm going to ask you again, What. Are. You. Doing. To. Naruto? Talk."

Hild's answer was a pathetic whine which only further agitated the Daimakaichō. Hild proceeded to slam Mara's head against a cage bar. "I said fucking talk! And whatever I say, you do!" Hild ordered.

"Maybe if you let go of her mouth, she'll be able to, oh I don't know... freaking talk?" Peorth pointed out with a knowing smirk.

Hild's eye twitched at that because she knew the goddess was right... Fuck. Hild let go of Mara's jaw one finger at a time and watched as the woman fell to her knees. "Talk. Now."

Mara rubbed her sore jaw before looking up at the one she once served. "Please Lady Hild," she started out, "I have no idea what is happening to the boy, I -"

Mara was cut off by a thorn whip from the Goddess of the Roses. "You are nothing more than worm and will refer to my fiance-" "_Our _fiance idiot," Hild quickly interjected earning a tick of annoyance from Peorth before she calmed herself and finished. "You will refer to him as Lord Naruto. Understand?" Peorth commanded with a tone that left no room for argument.

"Y-yes... I... I understand...," the powerless woman stated stated in her new raspy voice. "I swear I have no idea what is happening to Na- Lord Naruto." For a moment Mara sat there holding her bleeding head before something hit her. Thankfully for her it was a thought and not a whip. "Though I was feeling strange earlier today."

"Strange? Explain," Hild demanded.

"Well I was feeling a bit fatigued but thought nothing of it. I just figured Lord Naruto was training or he was injured and my chakra was just doing its job...," Mara said before pausing to think. She then looked at Hild. "Tell me Lady Hild, how long have you been with Naruto?"

Hild blinked twice at the former demon. "I've been with him most of the day. Why?"

"Tell me did you not also help in creating the seal that imprisoned me inside Nar- Lord Naruto?" Mara continued to question.

The Queen of Hell was getting annoyed with the questioning but answered nonetheless. "Yes I did make help make the seal on Naruto's stomach. Now get to the damn point. I'm losing my patience," Hild stated in a threatening tone.

Mara bowed her head. "I apologize my milady," she quickly offered before raising her head. "Perhaps what has been happening is that your power within the seal is returning to you whenever you are in close proximity or make physical contact with Lord Naruto. This in turn caused the seal to weaken and allow my influence to spread through him or it caused the seal to go into overdrive and absorb me at a much faster rate than before."

Both Hild and Peorth stood there in complete awe staring at the kneeling woman. They were so shell-shocked neither noticed Naruto slowly rising to his feet. How in the fuck did she come to such a conclusion. The worst part is that in it made sense. It made perfect fucking sense! Both women absorbed the info, but both reacted in completely ways. Peorth stood there thinking that there was only one way to really prove the woman's words. Unfortunately Hild handled it in a completely different way. She attacked.

Hild connected her boot to Mara's face sending her _through_ one of the cage bars and skidding to a stop. "LIAR! FUCKING LIAR! NO GOOD WORTHLESS POWERLESS PIECE OF SHIT FUCKING LIAR!" Hild screamed as she stormed into the cage and kicking the helpless woman in the gut sending her into the back wall with a sickening crunch. "How dare you insinuate such a thing! You will suffer for such insolence! I will take my time killing you in the most painful way possible!" Hild picked the beaten woman up by her throat and was about to deliver a face caving punch when someone grabbed her wrist.

"HILD! ENOUGH!" shouted the voice. Hild slowly turned her head to see the orange clad ninja knucklehead she was engaged to. "Hild," Naruto started despite breathing heavily, "That's quite enough. Beating the hell out her won't solve a goddamned thing."

Peorth was in complete shock. She was debating over whether or not to let Hild finish off the nuisance when an orange blur flew past her and stopped the enraged queen. Even after that it took her a whole minute to register who the blur was after he shouted. "Na... Na... Naruto... But how...?" Peorth asked to no one.

Hild couldn't even move. She stood there staring at her ragged, worn out fiance in total disbelief. He had stopped her from striking Mara down even in his current condition. Where did he find the strength? Or maybe... maybe it wasn't his strength that stopped her... but her weakness. It was her weakness of feeling his touch that caused her to stop dead in her tracks. "Wha...? Naruto?" Hild asked in disbelief. Her answer was a weak but still fox-like grin before Naruto clutched his head in pain and fell to the ground.

"Naruto!" both women shouted, worried for there future husband. Hild dropped Mara and knelt down beside Naruto as Peorth came sliding to a halt and dropping to her knees as well. Hild was about the hold Naruto when Mara's words rang in her head. She stopped mid grab allowing Peorth to pull Naruto to her chest.

"Naruto!" Peorth wailed tears streaming down her eyes. "Please say something!"

Naruto opened his eyes and gave weak smile. He reached up slowly and cupped her cheek. "Something...," he responded weakly, he then gave the goddess a goofy smile.

Peorth looked at him for a moment before giving him a smile of her own and hugging him closer. "You idiot!" she managed to get out through the laughter, hiccups, and fresh tears of joy, instead of sorrow.

Hild smiled softly at his remark while wiping her watery eyes. This caused her to stop. Watery eyes? She was going to cry over him? Why? The part of her that kept telling her she had no feelings for this boy continued to rant and rave, scolding her for being a fool. This continued until the part of her that knew she had feelings for Naruto stepped on the denial due to its giant stature compared to the gum on its boot. The truth then proceeded to tell that she was an idiot, but for the opposite reasons her denial told her. The boy was growing on her quickly. And soon enough she'd say she loved and mean it. But for now, baby steps.

Naruto had just finished calming Peorth down before he turned his attention to his other fiance. He slowly made it over to her. "Hild," he started, grabbing her hand. Unfortunately he didn't get to finish before Hild snatched her and away.

"No! Don't touch me!" The Daimakaichō yelled holding her hand. "I mean, you can't touch me..."

"Why not?" Naruto asked, concern in his voice.

Hild looked at him tears running down her cheeks. "Because if we make contact it'll cause you pain," she said wiping some tears away. "All because of that damn seal."

Naruto sat there a moment before smiling wide. "Well if that's all it is," he started, wiping tears off of his fiance's beautiful face, "then that seal will just have to go, now won't it?"

Before anyone could do anything Naruto dashed to the seal on the cage bar and ripped it off. For a moment, nothing happened. After another moment, everything and everyone was consumed by a white light.

* * *

Everyone awoke with a groan.

"What... the fuck happened...?" Hild questioned looking around. Just then the memories of the events within Naruto's subconscious came flooding back to her. Hild's eyes widened as she shot to her feet and looked around the room. She relaxed greatly when she noticed that sprawled out on the floor was an unconscious Mara. 'Good.' Was the thought in Hild's head to go with her evil smirk.

Naruto and Peorth took longer to get to their feet but managed with each others help. "Well that was fun," Naruto stated sarcastically. "Who wants to do it again?"

"No way," was Peorth's response.

"Not a chance in freaking hell," came Hild's answer.

"Yeah, fuck that," Naruto added to his own question. Naruto looked at the unconscious heap on the floor in front of them.

"What should we do with it?" Peorth asked without an ounce of care in her voice.

"Her, Peorth. It is a her," Naruto corrected. He then picked up the limp body and laid it on the couch. He then covered Mara with a small blanket draped over the back of couch. "And we'll figure that out in the morning. Though I have no clue how the hell I'll get to sleep after today."

"I think I can help," Hild quickly answered. Before Naruto could even turn to face her she grabbed him by the sides of his head and started pumping the power from Kyuubi into him. There was no scream of pain because there was no pain. In fact there was no sensation whatsoever. Just glowing. Once Hild finished pumping the Kyuubi chakra into him she could have stopped, but she didn't. Instead she began to pump some her own power into Naruto. Not a whole lot but a very nice bit. When she finished, the light died down to nothing and she let go of Naruto and watched him mindlessly take a few steps forward. 'Now a little bit of me will always be in you.' The Queen herself thought.

"Nice try," Peorth said smirking. "I know you gave some of your own power, but I will not be out done." Peorth suddenly grabbed Naruto close to her and pumped in about the same amount of power that Hild did causing them to glow too. When she finished the light again died away but Peorth continued to hold Naruto in her arms. He was out like a light. "Let's get him to bed. He's had enough for today, wouldn't you say?"

Hild just nodded and put up a barrier the house to keep unwanted guests out and a certain former demon in.

Once Naruto was in bed both women looked around the house for some nourishment and relaxation. What they found was a lot of sake and an open-roof hot spring. Both women got undressed and slid into the spring next to one another. They poured each other a small cup of sake. For a good five minutes neither said a word. Suddenly Hild lifted her cup up towards Peorth.

"Happy birthday Naruto," the demoness said.

Peorth smirked and held her glass up to Hild. "And to many more, with our husband."

Hild grinned.

*clink*

* * *

Morning slowly came about and our hero awoke to find himself a Naruto sandwich. Albeit a very _happy _Naruto sandwich. Clinging to his front was a very nude and, from the smell of her breath, a very drunk Peorth. Her breasts were smooshed up against his chest and both arms were snaked around him. She had a smile on her face that could cause the last Uchiha to smile back ... maybe. Naruto smiled and kissed her forehead.

"Mmm... Naruto baby... come on...," moaned the blonds other wife to be, Hild. Said wife's arms were also wrapped around him. She then gently ran her nails across his chest causing Naruto to shiver in pleasure. Naruto managed to turn around and look at Hild's gorgeous face before giving her the same kiss on the forehead as Peorth.

The jinchuriki managed to squirm his way out from in between the two beauties. As he stood up and stretched he noticed something... he felt further from the ground. What the hell was going on? That thought was quickly pushed to the back of his mind, as he almost lost his balance from a sudden dizzy spell. 'The fuck is going on? I thought we solved this yesterday?' Naruto thought as he headed for the shower. 'Maybe a nice, long, hot shower will clear my brain.' Naruto stepped into the bathroom and casually looked into mirror checking his teeth, nose, eyes, and ruffling his hair. He continued to the shower before he scratched needle on his own record. He shot back to the mirror and came to the obvious conclusion: he was bigger! He was no longer the 4'9" shrimp of his class, as he was now easily the tallest at 5'6"! His hair had grown out and was untamed. His canines were significantly sharper and his nose... well... it was still his nose. Naruto responded the only way he knew how. "HOLY SHIT!"

Naruto's declaration of godly feces was enough to stir the two deities from their drunken slumber. The first thing each noticed was it was way to fucking bright, even with the curtains drawn. Second they noticed their love pillow was missing. "I guess he noticed, huh?" The white-haired demoness commented while stretching.

"It seems he has," Peorth replied, staring at Naruto in the bathroom. "And I must say, I am liking the change _a lot_.

"Oh, so you didn't like him before? How shallow," Hild said mockingly. This earned a death glare and the 'fuck you' finger from Peorth.

Hild just brushed it off and hopped out of bed. She sauntered her way to the bathroom where her fiance was still in shock over the new him. She wrapped her arms around the blond and laid her head on his shoulder. "How do you feel, Naruto baby?" she cooed seductively in his ear. Naruto was snapped out of his awe by the soft voice in his ear.

He slowly turned to Hild who was now an inch shorter than him "I feel... incredible...," he stated in a low voice. The look in Hild's eye that said that really just turned her on didn't go unnoticed. He began to lean in to Hild in order to kiss her but was stopped when Hild blinked twice and cupped his cheeks.

"Good!" Hild replied happily before pushing him out of the bathroom. "I'm going to take a shower, so shoo you." She then proceeded to slam the door on him. Naruto just smiled. He knew why.

"What the hell was that about?" Peorth asked walking up next to the blond jinchuriki. She was now two inches shorter than Naruto.

Naruto just smiled and wrapped his arm around Peorth's waist which earned a blush from the goddess. "She's just shy," he stated with a huge grin. "Now how about we get ready clean and dressed?" He received an eager nod from Peorth before they made their way to one of the many other showers in the estate. Oh the fun they would have.

* * *

Meanwhile Hild was in the shower busy berating herself harshly. "You idiot!" she shouted to no one but herself. "You are NOT suppose to love that boy! You're suppose to regret ever making that deal with that mother of his! Yet here you are letting yourself slip! You almost kissed him!" She banged her fists against the shower wall. She was trying with all her might to convince herself she despised the boy. But she knew she couldn't. She would be lying to herself on a major scale. She stood under the running water in silence for another few minutes before she broke her own silence. "How did he get into my heart so quickly and... so... so easily..." Truly this was an amazing feat for anyone or anything.

* * *

Hild eventually drug herself out of the shower. After all, she was starting to prune. The Daimakaichō dressed herself in one of her usual revealing dresses but today's colors were black and purple. She did her hair in two pigtails and slipped into her knee-high stiletto boots. As she made her way down to the den she found Naruto and Peorth on the couch staring down Mara who was sitting in a chair across from them. She noted Peorth was wearing essentially the same getup as usual, except around waist what seemed like dress bottom covered the back and sides of her legs and went down to her ankles. The front part was open with a piece of cloth hanging in the middle of her legs down to her knees. The front also only came down enough to cover her underwear before stopping and letting the hanging cloth take over.

Naruto's clothing, however, was a complete and total overhaul. Starting at his feet were a pair of padded boots that protected from the bottom of his feet to the top of his knee. At first glance it would seem he was wearing knee pads but it was actually still the boots. His pants were black and on the hips were a pair of orange Uzumaki clan swirls. They were tucked into his new boots and seemed as though they were baggy cargo pants from what was visible. From his elbow down was wrapped in bandages leaving only half of is fingers visible. Finally he was wearing a tight fitting short-sleeve black shirt that gripped his chest and stomach nicely. Needless to say, Hild liked this.

Naruto noticed Hild and greeted her with a warm smile. "Hello, darling. Care to join us?" he asked softly patting the empty spot on his right.

Hild smiled back and sat next to Naruto and leaned back in the couch. "So what's the deal?" Hild asked.

"We're thinking of what to do with Mara," Naruto answered, his voice suddenly very serious.

"What's there to think about?" Hild scoffed. She wanted to see this failure's face no more. "We get rid of her. She's of no use to us."

"Ah, but that is where you're are wrong, dear," Naruto stated as he leaned and put an arm around each woman. "We have many uses for her. Cooking, cleaning, gardening, shopping... information gathering. There are a million things we can assign to her. Things we don't feel like doing. Know what I mean?"

Hild smirked at the blond's new attitude. The power was slowly but surely spreading inside of him. "Of course sweety, but the problem is, she has no power at all. What good is she if we are attacked?" Hild questioned back at the grinning boy... no, man next to her. He may be fourteen, but then again age is nothing but a number.

"Then we give her power," Naruto stated calmly.

"What!" shouted his two fiances and even Mara herself.

"Exactly what I said. We will give enough power to be able to defend herself whenever necessary," Naruto put simply. He then proceeded to walk over to Mara and grabbed her head. His arm began to glow red before it engulfed Mara and some of Kyuubi's power reentered the woman causing her to faint. Naruto let her go and watched her fall to the floor. "There. Now she can go toe-to-toe with a high level Jonin." Naruto turned to the two stunned deities and smiled. "Come on ladies," he started happily, "we gotta go see Gramps. Today we're Team 13!"

Silence.

* * *

They made there way to Hokage Tower via the rooftops to avoid any detection from the busy streets. When they reached the tower Naruto smiled big. "Let's go give the geezer a heart attack, yeah?" Two smirks and two nods were all Naruto needed.

As the trio climbed to the top of the stairs they saw the Hokage's secretary. She then saw them... and nearly shat herself. Naruto smiled. "Hi we'd li-"

"Just go!" she yelled before diving below her desk.

"Uh, okay," was all he could manage. As they walked past the terrified woman Naruto shook his head. "I don't want to ask what you did to her, but then again I do... conundrum." The women behind him merely giggled. Terrifying.

As he normally did Naruto slammed open the doors to the Hokage's office. "Yo, Gramps! How's it going! Don't bother trying to hide it, I know you were reading that Icha Icha crap again," Naruto shouted proudly.

This caught the Hokage off guard as he frantically tried to hide his prized book. When Hiruzen turned his attention to Naruto, he nearly had a heart attack. "Minato!"

This caused Naruto to facepalm. "Close, but wrong. Try again," the blond ground out.

"Naruto?" the old monkey tried.

"There you go," Naruto replied with a roll of the eyes. "I'll go ahead and nip this in the bud. Kyuubi's power has been absorbed and this is the result," the blond summarized. "All right, let's get down to business old man. Who's my sensei?"

The Hokage wanted to ask for details on the absorbing of Kyuubi but knew Naruto wasn't going to talk about it... for now. "Your new sensei should be here any moment Naruto." No sooner had Hiruzen finished that sentence did the office doors fly off the hinges and implant themselves in the walls. Everyone turned to see the psycho who nearly decapitated them.

"Who the hell do you think you are!" Peorth screamed.

"Who the fuck are you, and what the fuck was that about!" Hild shouted.

"Oh, god... her..." Naruto moaned.

Hiruzen just rubbed his temple.

The psycho bitch in the doorway let out a maniacal laugh.

Shit just got real.

* * *

**Blammo! That was Chapter 3 cleaned up and made pleasing to my eyes.**

**Remember you manage to put up with my shit and I give you Chapter 5 very very soon. I'm enjoying putting you all on edge... It pleases me so. So make sure your bodies are ready.**

**Peace out and much love.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Don't. Even. Ask.**

**Don't ask me "Where have you been?" or "What took so long?" or "What color is the thong you're wearing?"**

**Contrary to popular belief, I'm not dead. Life has just been having its filthy, non-consensual way with me. I graduated high school and got a job. That's the end of that story.**

**Anyway I remember after about a year and a half after the last update that I had a fucking story. So after almost two years the next update is finally here.**

**Enjoy it.**

**Hate it.**

**Whatever.**

**Also its yellow.**

**This is what's known as a disclaimer. It's used to inform the readers and owners of both series that I'm broke as shit and more than likely will always be broke as shit, therefore I don't own and can't purchase either of your fucking series. Good enough for ya? If so, good. If not, blow me.**

* * *

The crazy bitch standing where the doors of the Hokage's office once did, let out a maniacal laugh.

Shit just got real.

"Of course," Naruto cursed his luck, "I get stuck with this psycho. Why am I less than surprised?" Naruto pinched the bridge of his nose as both of his future wives continued to bitch at the the woman that nearly decapitated them. "I drop roughly three hundred and twenty-five pounds of useless crap, only to gain a hundred and twenty-five pounds of pure fucking psycho. Wonderful," he finished sarcastically.

"Actually little man I'm only one fifteen," the woman said suddenly two inches from the left side of Naruto's face. Not expecting this Naruto did the only thing he knew how after being startled like that. Scream and fall over the side of his chair.

"Holy God!" he screamed clutching his chest trying to calm his racing heart. Peorth quickly rushed over and helped the jinchuriki to his feet ensuring he was unharmed. Naruto thanked Peorth before turning back to the psycho woman in front of him. "It figures, it truly fucking figures that of all the Jonin that could have been my sensei... I'd manage to get you."

"Who the hell is she?" Hild asked impatiently having been in the background far too long for her liking.

The Hokage cleared his throat to garner everyone's attention. "Allow me to do the introductions," the old man started, "Peorth, Hild, since Naruto already knows full well who this is, allow me to introduce your Jonin sensei and part time mother figure for Naruto growing up," a shiver of fear ran down Naruto's spine, "Tsume Inuzuka."

Tsume gave the trio a very feral and very sadistic grin. "Hello meat."

Naruto's left eye twitched twice. First for the Hokage's mother figure statement. Second for the phrase Tsume loved oh so much and he was far too familiar with. "Mother figure is wrong old man," Naruto informed from behind Peorth, "babysitter works. Nightmare works. Sexual predator works very well."

Tsume cackled loudly. "Come on little Ruto, don't pretend you didn't like it. But by the looks of it I suppose you're not so "little" anymore are you?"

"I'd suppose so. And I didn't like it," he answered matter of factly. "You scarred me worse than Anko could ever hope to. And that, is truly fucking impressive."

Hild didn't like what she was hearing at all. "Naruto sweety," she began, "Just what in the blue hell happened between you too?"

The blond let out a whimper at the memories. Oh the horror. "I don't wanna talk about it...," he said in a very small and terrified voice.

Okay Hild was intrigued now. This woman in front of her... This Tsume Inuzuka was enough of a bad mother fucker to turn her future husband into a cowering child. She liked this woman. A lot.

Tsume turned toward the Hokage. "So tell me Lord Hokage, where did you scrounge up these two skinny floozies?" Tsume asked. Remember the liking Hild had for Tsume? Yeah, out the fucking window after that floozy comment.

The old monkey cleared his throat to cut off any retorts from the aforementioned floozies. "It is an interesting story actually. I suggest you take a seat," he offered. The Inuzuka woman shrugged and sat on the edge of the Hokage's desk. Naruto also sat down in the chair he fell out of. Peorth was just about to take a seat on his lap when Hild suddenly shoved her out of the way causing her to faceplant on the floor and hopped in Naruto's lap herself. Peorth slowly stood up before turning to Hild and slowly dragging her thumb across her throat indicating Hild was going to die. Hild merely feigned an innocent yawn. Once everyone was seated Hiruzen began the tale.

"... And that's why you are their sensei Tsume," the Hokage finished. "Any questions?"

The feral woman sat silent for a moment. "So...," she started, and pointed at Hild and Peorth, "Pigtails is the 'Queen of Hell' and the brunette is a goddess, and both are engaged to little Ruto?"

The old Hokage just nodded.

"And little Ruto himself is the son of the Fourth Hokage, Minato Namikaze and Kushina Uzumaki, and has completely absorbed the Kyuubi's power?"

"That would be correct," The old man confirmed.

Tsume just nodded. Normally, Tsume would have laughed maniacally and called major bullshit on the story she just heard. Normally. But the proof was in front of her. Naruto's birth certificate and everything else proving his lineage as well as his contracts to the two deities.

Tsume just sighed, then proceeded to walk over to Naruto. She then leaned down to get face to face with the now cowering boy who was trying to hide inside the chair. She then gave him a small, kind smile before kissing his forehead and ruffling his hair. She walked over the doorless office entrance. "Alright meat!" she yelled turning around. "Tomorrow! 7 A.M.! Meet me here! We begin missions as Team 13!" She threw them one last feral grin. "Don't be late." She then left but not before scaring the shit out of the Hokage's secretary. Anybody that treated her little Ruto bad was on her shit list, and they never came off that list. Ever.

"Why does everyone do that to my secretary?" The Hokage pondered aloud.

"Tsume did it because she hates her guts for treating me like shit," Naruto said calmly while standing up.

"Do what now?" Hiruzen asked somewhat shocked.

"Gramps, you have no idea how many beatings I went through just because she wouldn't let me in to see you," Naruto informed to the now shocked Hokage. "She would cover my mouth and throw me to the mob so they could perform their "Divine Retribution" on the demon child. It was quite painful to say the very least. Well, see ya later Gramps!" And with that the trio took their leave also scaring the secretary on the way out.

The Hokage covered his face with a shaking hand. He was so blind. So deaf. So... stupid. He looked at his secretary, Miku. She had worked for him for a while now, she seemed like a sweet and kind woman. But it was an act apparently. The Hokage wrote a note and whistled for a messenger bird. The bird flew in and landed on the old geezer's hand. He tied the note to the bird's foot. "To Ibiki," he ordered and the bird flew off. An act huh? Two could play at that game. "Oh, Miku," Hiruzen called out in his sweet old man voice, "could you come here for a moment?"

The fairly young woman strode into her boss's office. "Yes, Lord Hokage?"

"Let's have a little talk," he told her still in his sweet, smiling old man voice. When she nodded his smile grew. "A little talk about... Naruto." At this the woman paled. She was fucked. Majorly so.

* * *

"Bullshit."

"No, I swear!"

"You don't expect us to buy that do you?"

"Girls I know it sounds weird, but it's true! Our little Naruto has two future wives!"

"Whatever Kurenai."

Kurenai let out a big sigh before downing her wine to keep herself calm. She knew they wouldn't believe her but goddammit, she didn't know it would be this frustrating! The girls not only didn't believe her but had the nerve to suggest that she mentally off and stupid. Kurenai was about to choke not one, not two, but three bitches.

Said bitches were sitting across from the red-eyed beauty at their usual table, at their usual watering hole. On the outside was a beautiful young woman with her brown hair tied in a ponytail with two bangs hanging in her face. On her cheeks were two upside down, red triangles symbolizing she was apart of the Inuzuka clan. She was dressed in the standard medical ninja outfit. She was the youngest of the group at only eighteen. She was Hana Inuzuka.

Sitting next to Hana in the middle, was a woman with long, straight purple hair. On her right arm was a leaf village tattoo that was standard issue for all ANBU. Speaking of which she was still in her standard ANBU uniform. She was twenty-two year old Yugao Uzuki.

Sitting next to Yugao against the wall was another purple-haired beauty. Unlike Yugao however, her hair was was spiky and tied into a ponytail. She had a long overcoat over a mesh bodysuit and a very short dark orange skirt. Modesty was obviously not in this woman's vocabulary. She was twenty-two year old Anko Mitarashi.

All three were young and beautiful. Unfortunately if they continued to taunt and try Kurenai's patience, they would dead as well as young and beautiful. "Look," Kurenai started through grit teeth, "I know Naruto is horribly oblivious and not exactly a "ladies man", but I know what I saw and heard."

Anko snickered at that. "Would you explain to us what they looked like again?" the snake user asked with a grin.

Kurenai's eyebrow twitched violently. "One had long, white hair, she had tan skin and a very revealing dress." The three women giggled trying their best to hold it in. "The other one had short brown hair, pale skin, and a top with a hole cut in it and a bikini bottom." The women were barely holding their laughter back.

"And what *giggle* were their *giggle* names?" Hana pressed.

Kurenai was grinding her teeth hard. "Hild and Peorth respectively." That was it. The group burst out in laughter. The genjutsu mistress downed another glass of wine to keep herself calm.

"What's so funny sluts?" Kurenai looked over to the owner of the voice. Who she saw was the oldest of their little group Tsume Inuzuka. Kurenai stood up so that the Inuzuka woman could sit on the inside where she liked.

The laughter slowly died away as the women wiped away their tears. "K-Kurenai is trying to convince us that little, orange jumpsuit wearing Naruto... has two future wives." Anko managed to tell without bursting into laughter again.

"One has white and tan skin and the other has brown hair and pale skin," Hana informed. "And their names are-"

"Hild and Peorth," Tsume finished. All laughter died immediately, and all wide eyes were on Tsume.

"W-what?" Yugao asked.

"Their names are Hild and Peorth, and they are Naruto's wives-to-be," Tsume informed matter of factly. "And little Ruto isn't so little anymore, he's taller than all of us. He also ditched that god awful jumpsuit for a nicer getup. He's also the son of the Fourth Hokage and big bad Kushina Uzumaki." Tsume then reached over and downed the whole bottle sake with a happy sigh. "Oh yeah, his girls are the Daimakaichō and a goddess respectively."

Dead silenced reigned. For about three seconds, before the three women continued their laughter. Unlike Kurenai however Tsume just smiled and downed another bottle of sake.

"Goddess and Queen of Hell?" Kurenai asked suspiciously. "You're joking right?

"No little Nai-Nai, I most certainly am not," the older woman replied working on another bottle of sake.

"Him having two wives is farfetched enough but that is just ridiculous," the red-eyed woman continued.

"That is exactly what I thought dear, but the proof was in the pudding and all my doubts were firmly shut the fuck up," Tsume informed finishing off the bottle. "Today, I have officially decided is the strangest fucking day of my life."

"You're telling me," Kurenai retorted. She then looked at the laughing women in front of her. "They're laughing at you you know?"

Tsume just shrugged. "I wasn't aware that I was suppose to give a damn. Because frankly I don't."

"Sometimes I truly, truly admire you lady," Kurenai admitted.

Tsume grinned. "Of course you do. I am greatness defined after all."

"What's so funny?" a new voice asked.

"Hello Naruto," Tsume greeted sweetly.

The laughter died down as the women looked over to greet Naruto, but when they saw their loveable knucklehead they froze and were speechless. Even Kurenai.

"Lord... M-Minato...?" Yugao asked, stunned.

The blond once again facepalmed at being called his father yet again. "Try again Yu-Yu."

"N-Naruto?" Kurenai gasped out.

"Ding ding ding! We have a winner!" Naruto joked. The blond laughed a little before quickly becoming uncomfortable with the staring. "Uhhh, is there a problem?"

Hana stood up slowly and cupped his face with her hands. "N-Naruto? Wh-what happened to you?"

Naruto began to sweat some. "Growth spurt?"

Yugao stood up next to check if this was really her Naruto. "My... god... I don't believe... what I'm seeing." She placed a hand on his chest making sure he wasn't an illusion.

"Well believe it lady, and I'd appreciate it if you two took your hands off my fiance," an annoyed voice called from the entrance of the bar. Hana and Yugao looked toward the entrance to see a woman with her arms crossed and her foot tapping the ground. It should be noted that this woman also had white hair and tan skin. She was also wearing a revealing dress. They saw the woman that they were, not even five minutes ago, laughing at the mere suggestion of her existence.

Anko poked her head out from around and her eyes were then replaced with dinner plates. "You must be-"

"Hild," the Queen of Hell answered. The women just stared. This only further agitated Hild. "Is there a fucking problem here? And I won't tell you again to take your hands off my man." The tan woman strode over pulled Naruto away from the stunned women and holding his arm possessively.

"Thanks Hild," the former jinchuriki said giving his fiance a kiss on the cheek causing her to blush. "Say, where's Peorth?"

Hild just shrugged. "Dunno. She said she saw something she just had to get for you and then ran off."

Naruto smiled at the thought. "She really is a loving one isn't she?"

Hild just scoffed at the comment. "More like trying to make me look bad. Upstaging bitch," she finished with a pout.

"Be nice Hild," Naruto warned. Hild just huffed.

The blond ninja just smiled before turning his back to his "big sisters". "Oh yeah, I guess I should introduce everyone." Naruto cleared his throat. "Hild," he started, "these are the women that took care of and helped raise me." He pointed at Yugao first. "That is Yugao Uzuki, also known as Yu-Yu." He pointed to Anko. "That is Anko Mitarashi, or Ko-Ko." Naruto dodged the incoming kunai and pointed to Kurenai. "This is Kurenai Yuhi, or as I call her, Nai-Nai." Kurenai just smiled. She always loved her name unlike Anko who despised it. Naruto then turned his attention to Hana. "This is Hana Inuzuka, daughter of the mighty and utterly terrifying Tsume Inuzuka who she takes after more than she'd like to admit." He received a bonk on the head and an "idiot" from Hana. "Everyone this is the beautiful Hild."

Hild smirked at his compliment. "Yo."

"So... where's the other one?" Anko wondered aloud.

As if on cue Peorth burst through the entrance with a huge smile on her face. "Naruto monchere!" she called out in a cheery sing-song voice that made Hild and Anko cringe.

"Ah, there you are Peorth," Naruto greeted with a kiss on the lips, making Hild growl. "So where have you been love?"

Peorth giggled and shook her head. "Sorry monchere but it's secret until tomorrow arrives," she informed him with a giggle.

Naruto simply shook his head. "Well let me introduce you." Naruto repeated the introductions and dodged another kunai from Anko much to Peorth's horror. "Everyone this is the gorgeous Peorth."

Peorth blushed and bowed. "Hello ladies."

Silence took over for a few moments before Naruto broke it with a cough. "Okay, so um... yeah," he said trying to put the words together. "Well, I'll see you all later we've got to get home and be up bright and early tomorrow. Right sensei?" The blond then shot Tsume a thumbs up.

"Damn right!" Tsume responded with a thumbs up of her own.

"Later!" Naruto called out as he and the two deities left.

For a few minutes nobody spoke or moved, except Tsume to grab a bottle of sake from Anko's stash. After that few minutes everyone took their seats.

"Holy... shit..." Anko started.

"Yep," Tsume agreed calmly.

"I-I still can't believe it..." Hana admitted in a zoned out voice.

"Believe it sugar," Hana's mother replied.

"It's so bizarre," Yugao said staring at the table.

"Sure is," the older Inuzuka confirmed. "You know I always thought that he wouldn't be able to get a girlfriend and finally lose his virginity to Anko."

"Tsume!" Kurenai yelled. "What is wrong with you? How could you say-"

"Chill out Kurenai, it's okay," Anko assured. "To be honest I always thought I was going take his virginity too. I think we all did." She received nods from the Inuzukas. "Hell I would have loved to get him in the sack."

"Anko!" Kurenai screamed utterly horrified.

"What?" Anko wondered while cleaning out her damaged ear. "Have you seen what the boy is packing? For a fourteen year old he has a massive co-"

"You know," Yugao started not realizing she had just interrupted Anko," I always thought it was going to be Hana he lost his virginity to."

Hana looked at the woman next to slightly stunned. "You really thought that?" Hana asked curiously. She received a nod from the cat ANBU. "Huh. Yeah, I can see that. Thanks Yugao."

Kurenai nearly fell out of her damn seat at that. "What the hell is wrong with you lot?" she yelled. "How long have you been discussing this?"

"Pretty much ever since we took Naruto in," Anko answered.

Kurenai just gaped at the answer. She wanted to say something, but just couldn't. She knew she should, but she supposed it really wouldn't matter. Not with these psychos. Kurenai merely stood up, downed her last glass of wine, put her money on the table, and walked out without another word.

Her friends watched as she left without a word. They looked at one another before shrugging. "What a psycho," Hana commented.

"Yep," Anko agreed.

"Totally," Yugao confirmed.

"You said it sugar," Tsume finished. And with that the remaining four went back to drinking.

* * *

Walking down the street was more awkward than the conversation Naruto just had with his "sisters" somehow. The younger men stared at Hild and Peorth with looks of open lust. A couple even tried to hit on them. Those poor children that will never be. The younger women did the same with Naruto. Those poor teeth that will never chew again. The older villagers however, stared in shock and awe. They recognized the demon child, but were left speechless by the fact that he looked like a carbon copy of their late, great Yondaime. What threw them off even more was the fact he was flanked by two gorgeous women. What imbecile would associate themselves with that abomination? Of course they were thinking this, so needless to say the mind reading deities were quickly losing their patience. Then came the straw that broke the camel's back.

An older man, looking to be in his sixties and completely smashed, walked up and stood in the way of the trio. He looked them over and took a swig of his drink. As he sloppily wiped his mouth, he pointed at Naruto with a look of disgust on his face. "You! Demon boy! What have you done to these beautiful women?" the old drunk demanded. "Using those demon powers of yours finally huh? You disgusting piece of trash. Why aren't you dead anyway?"

The old drunk continued to rant on. "I thought you would have taken the hint and killed yourself, but I guess you were too stupid." The drunk finished the remainder of his drink and threw the bottle at Naruto. Instead of the bottle smashing into the blonde's face and causing him serious harm, like the old drunk and the crowd would have liked, Naruto caught the bottle much to their surprise.

Naruto grinned and began balancing the bottle on one finger. "So you though I would kill myself did ya?" Naruto questioned. "Thought I'd just give up and admit you all were right? Thought I wouldn't set out to prove you fuckers wrong? You actually thought you'd fucking win? Tch! And you have the balls to call me stupid."

The old drunk was not about to take that from the demon child. He reared his fist back and swung at the former jinchuriki. Of course being old and drunk also meant he was sloppy and slow. Naruto easily dodged the sad attempt at a punch which sent the old man on a collision course with the ground. Before the drunk could hit the ground however, Naruto grabbed him by the sleeve and yanked the man back smashing the bottle against the side of his head, causing the bottle to shatter and slice up his face as well.

The old drunk hit the ground screaming and clutching his bleeding face. Naruto spread his arms out. "Anyone else wanna go?" he challenged. No one responded. "I thought not." With that, the blonde turned and walked away from the scene with his wives-to-be close behind.

"Naruto? Are you okay babe?" Hild asked.

"No. Not really," he answered calmly and honestly. "I'm hungry, pissed off, tired and worst of all, horny. That's a horrible and slightly contradictory combination."

"W-well I'm sure we could solve th-three of those four problems." Peorth stuttered out while blushing madly.

Hild grinned and slung an arm around Peorth. "Now which one of those problems are you leaving out, Peorth?" Hild inquired. She leaned in closer to Peorth's ear. "It wouldn't happen to be... horny, would it?"

Peorth began to sputter uncontrollably making no sense whatsoever. But Hild wasn't done. "You don't happen to have a problem helping a man relieve some stress through his... penis, now do you?" Hild whispered sensually into the brunette's ear. "Taking his full rock hard cock into your mouth. Bobbing it up and down until the point of ejac-"

"HILD!" Naruto yelled, getting both fiances attention. "For the love of god stop! I can hear everything you're saying, and its not helping AT FUCKING ALL!" Naruto rubbed his temples. Holy shit he didn't know how much longer he could last.

Hild smirked. "Liking what you're hearing babe?"

"What kind of a stupid question is that?" he shot back. "Of course I like hearing about sexual acts between me and Peorth."

Hild didn't miss that statement and nor did she like it. "Hold up! What the fuck do you mean you like hearing about sexual acts between you and **Peorth**?" Naruto merely gave her a shit-eating grin.

Peorth had regained her bearings long enough to hear the exchange and giggled. "It means he just has excellent taste in women," she put in. Hild glared at the brunette before she skipped ahead and linked arms with her future husband.

Hild stood in place boiling mad with one thought running through her head. 'Must. Kill. Goddess. And. Strangle. Husband.'

She was brought back to the real world when she noticed Naruto extending his hand toward her. "C'mon Hild, I'm sure you both taste equally as good."

After a minute, she huffed and took his hand. "I'm still mad at you," she informed. The blonde just smiled and continued walking home.

* * *

After another ten minutes of walking the trio finally reached their home. Naruto undid the blood seal at the gate and proceeded to the mansion. Once inside, Naruto plopped down on the couch with a happy sigh. "Well that was an annoyingly informative day," he stated.

Hild just nodded and sat down next to him while Peorth headed to the kitchen. "Where are you going?" Hild asked.

Peorth turned to the white haired woman. "I'm going to make dinner of course," the brunette answered. "You know, like a loving wife would."

Hild sneered at that. "Fine then be a stereotype. See if I care."

"It's not a stereotype if you actually want to," Peorth informed. "Or maybe its just because I actually know how to cook an edible meal unlike you."

Hild just waved her off. She didn't really care about knowing how to cook. It wasn't necessary. The Queen of Hell doesn't make her own food! She has others do it for her. "Oooh look at me, my name is Peorth and I like being a tasteless stereotype," Hild mocked.

"Are you two ever going to get along?" Naruto asked.

Hild grabbed the blonde by the head and pulled him to her chest, stroking his whiskers. "Oh Naruto. So young. So innocent. So naive," she stated calmly. "Of course we won't. Not only because, I'm a demon queen and she's just a no-name goddess, but also because I'm great, laid back and very sexy, while she's a hideous, uppity bitch. We can never get along."

Naruto just let out a long sigh before relaxing into Hild's chest. The blonde was enjoying the moment and feeling of Hild stroking his whiskers before a thought crossed his mind. "Hey, where is Mara?"

The thought hadn't crossed the fair-haired beauty's mind. "You're right. Where the hell is that worthless trash?" Hild stood up and looked around. "MARA!" Hild yelled. "MARA! Get your ass down here or suffer the consequences!"

In no time at all Mara appeared from the kitchen wearing an apron. "You summoned me, Milady?"

Hild looked her up and down. "Yes, I did. What were you doing in the kitchen?" Hild questioned.

Mara blushed a bit. "I was, uh, just helping M-Miss Peorth with dinner," she answered truthfully. "I figured I'd try to make myself somewhat useful around the home."

Hild looked at her with a critical eye. "Yes. It's about time you really did make yourself useful. You're dismissed."

Mara bowed to her superior and returned to the kitchen. Hild returned to her seat and resumed cuddling with her man. Half an hour passed before dinner was ready. Dinner went down without much commotion. Peorth thought Mara should eat elsewhere, while Hild thought she shouldn't eat at all. Both caved however, when Naruto told them that like it or not Mara was apart of the "family" and would therefore eat with them.

After dinner Naruto took a quick bath before turning in early. Mara took her spot on the couch, while Peorth and Hild took a dip in the hot springs together.

"Why does he continue to insist that Mara should be treated well?" the dark-skinned woman wondered aloud. "She's twice as bad now since she's also half Kyuubi. Worthless demon to me and the reason for his suffering for all those years."

Peorth stretched before responding. "It's just the kind of person he is. He's never been one to hold a grudge. Even against the villagers. They put him through so much but he still doesn't hate them."

Hild gave her a questioning look. "And what about the old man he messed up today?" she asked. "No hate there? And how would you know he's not one to hold a grudge? You been watching him his whole life or something?"

"Yes, I have been watching him his whole life," the goddess answered without a hint of shame.

"Creepy," Hild whispered.

Peorth's eye twitched slightly. "And there was no real hate against the old man. Anger, yes. Hate, no."

"Whatever you say goddess." The two of them then exited the hot spring and dried off. Once they were dry, they headed to their bedroom where their sleeping lover awaited.

* * *

The morning that came was uneventful one. Showers, dressing, moaning and groaning about not wanting to get up. The usual. Mara had prepared breakfast that, wasn't bad, but wasn't good either.

After forcing down breakfast, Hild gave the former demon a list of chores to do before heading out with her 'team'.

"Y'know," Naruto began, "I think we should do something about our stature."

"What do you mean?" Hild asked.

"Well, its just that we're pretty... tall for a Genin team. I think we should do something about it. After all, deception is a ninja's greatest weapon... or ally... or whatever." Naruto could never remember.

"Fine, fine." Hild huffed as cast a spell reducing their stature to that of the average Genin, while still being a bit taller.

Naruto locked up the house, and the trio headed off for the training grounds. The walk was filled with small talk and ignoring the villagers' looks. Just as it seemed the walk would go off without a hitch, as Naruto was turning a corner, a speeding Sakura collided with the blonde knocking them both to the ground.

"Ow!" Sakura wailed being the first one up. She looked to see who it was she ran into. "Dammit Naruto, you idiot! Watch where you're going!"

"Dammit Sakura, you loud-mouthed skank! Watch where YOU'RE going!" Naruto shot back dusting himself off.

The pink-haired banshee was shocked. Since when did this moron talk to her like that? Before she could retort Sasuke and Kakashi walked up. "Uh, hey Naruto," Kakashi greeted somewhat uneasy. "You headed off to meet your new sensei?"

"Not that its really any of your business, but yes, I am." The blonde brushed the last bit of dirt off. "I take it they know what's going on?" Naruto asked motioning towards his former teammates.

"Yes, I filled them in about what's going on," the cyclops confirmed.

"What's wrong loser, couldn't keep up so you're bailing?" Sasuke tried to taunt.

"Nope," Naruto answered.

Everyone waited for the rest, but it never came. Instead he saluted his former team and continued toward the training grounds.

This didn't sit to well with the last Uchiha who was expecting the blonde to retort with an insult of his own so he could turn it around and put the class loser in his place. "C'mon you two, we need to go meet your new teammate," Kakashi announced.

* * *

When Team 13 reached the training ground they saw that Tsume was waiting.

"Evening meat," she greeted

"It's 7 A.M.," Hild pointed out.

"Afternoon Teach," Naruto returned the greeting.

"It's 7 A.M.!" Hild repeated.

"How are you lot doing this beautiful summer night?" Tsume asked.

"It's 7 A.M. and fall!" The white-haired queen yelled.

"We're doing fine this wonderful spring evening," Naruto answered.

"FUCK IT!" Hild shouted.

"Alright, enough bullshitting around," Tsume started, "welcome to your first day of true hell." With no warning whatsoever Tsume charged the group with kunai drawn. "BEGIN!"

Playtime was over.

* * *

**And that's that. Not my best work, but better than nothing. Oh my god its been a while. I'm 20 years old now. I'm employed. I'm making my own mother fucking money now. Shit's pretty fucking cool. Still deciding whether or not to go to college soon. But whatevs.**

**Okay, so like 20 months ago, I told you fuckers to guess who the 'mystery sensei' was. All but one of you were wrong. And holy shit did I laugh. The one and only winner is:**

**ranma hibiki!**

**Congratulations dood. You guessed it right and here is the reward you asked for, THE NEW CHAPTER! Yay.**

**Anyway I should wrap this up now. Not really much else to say. Became addicted to TF2 for a few months before stopping before I went totally broke. Became a Brony. Anybody that has a problem with it can get over it. Learned that my house is haunted which is pretty cool. But that's about it.**

**As you can see Chapter 4 is mostly untouched. I still fixed a few things but yeah.**

**You're so fucking close you can taste it can't you? Chapter 5... Up next. How stoked are you? Very? Not really? You're a sadistic asshole Lord Deadpool how could you do thid to us? In any case, you'll just have to wait. It will be within the next few days. It'd be sooner, but I'm working all weekend.**

**Anyway Deadpool gives you his love. Later gators.**


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